


It's Elementary, my dear Coulson

by Oruka



Category: Elementary (TV), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Avengers/Elementary, Awkward Conversations, Crack, Crossover
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-18
Updated: 2012-10-18
Packaged: 2017-11-16 14:18:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oruka/pseuds/Oruka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recipe for a SHIELD/Elementray drabble: Take two multi-fandom conspirators, add gin or whisky, discuss various headcanons, shake vigorously with excitement and serve via skype. Garnish with CAPSLOCK.<br/>Result:Pre-mission breifing with <strike>pander</strike> Director Fury.<br/>Featuring Joan Watson, Agent of SHIELD; Agent Phil Coulson, Crack Salesman.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Elementary, my dear Coulson

**Author's Note:**

> My co-conspirator and I are not convinced that Holmes' call girl was actually a girl. That idea quickly merged with Coulson, because all roads lead to SHIELD. Deep Cover Special Agent Joan Watson of Shield came to pass. And then, for some reason, I wrote it all down.

Fury doesn't even bother to look up as Coulson doesn't even bother to knock on his way in.

"You mentioned a potential threat, sir?"

Fury's got newspapers spread out across the entire conference table. Some have pictures turned face-up under bawdy, hardly-trying headlines, others are the dreary columns of obituaries with the odd one circled here or there. For all that they live on the leading edge of technology, some things are just easier to handle in print, spread out so that everything could be seen.

"A threat, or a gift, depends on how he responds to us."

He picks up the tattered, folded-up newspaper before him and pushes it across the slew of documents to Coulson.

"New kid in town. A Brit, an addict, making a name for himself as a 'consulting detective' to the NYPD."

"What do we know about him?" Coulson takes the paper and opens it out, scanning over the details of a messy triple-homicide in a Bronx fish market.

"We know everything that Interpol and the London Met know. But all they're officially willing to share is that he's a psychopath with a habit of being right, even if he punches low when he's going about things. Not a criminal, strictly speaking, but always on the verge of being dangerous."

"I'll send someone to assess him. Agent Romanoff-"

"Agent Romanoff is currently undercover in Belarus with Barton and the junior agents, training the fear of SHIELD into them. Besides which, she's not this Holmes guy's type, not by a long shot. Also, we want him alive, for now."  
Coulson put the paper down and took a step back from the table, wary of how this conversation was going. "What about Sitwell?"

"Also not his type. And Woo is an easy read, he'll be made the moment he sets foot in the neighbourhood."  
They share an uneasy silence as they both calculate probabilities of success for all the other contact agents they can trust with a genius. The list becomes shorter and shorter until there are only two possibilities.

"Before you mention it, Phil, Agent Watson is already engaged in deep cover on this operation. She'll be assigned to Holmes as his sober companion for the duration of his rehab. Her personal history makes her the perfect candidate for the long game, but we need someone to play point and ensure he makes the first rendez-vous."

"In other words, keep him occupied.” Coulson definitely does not feel a vague sense of dread curdle in his stomach.

"Agent Coulson, how is your Soho alias holding up?"

He blanches at the thought, closes his eyes, and tries to imagine, for a moment, that this is a horrifying dream.

When he opens his eyes, it is. Or it would be, if he were someone else. And Fury is grinning openly, from ear to ear, an expression he stole from Tony Stark.

Oh for a simpler life. Coulson huffs and sets his jaw. "Barton will not hear of this."

"Nobody will hear of this."

"I'm taking my taser."

"Of course you are. Wheels up in forty minutes."

"I'll go and dig out the fishnets..."

**Author's Note:**

>  ~~I don't even know if the Bronx has a fish market.~~ And now I do! Many thanks, JenniferEsther!


End file.
